It's widely agreed that long-distance relationships don't work out well, but sometimes being away from each other does deepen the relationship. And people learn to appreciate each other when their partner isn't always around. It's worth noting that some couples in long-distance relationships are closer than couples who live together because they're more willing to communicate about each other's problems. Whether or not a long distance relationship works all comes down to one word "effort". Here's a guide from inya to sustaining a long-distance relationship that will hopefully help anyone going through one.
What exactly are the reasons why long distance relationships fail?
First of all a long distance relationship can deplete the feelings that two people have for each other if they talk about it for too long. And without a stable relationship, it's easy for both parties to be insecure. In fact, the biggest problem of long-distance relationship is not the problem of your distance, but the problem of communication between heart and mind.
The main reason why two people become more and more estranged:
- Emotional expression obstacles: obviously can be solved with a hug, but need to use words to express, long-distance relationship is like this, which includes the obstacles arising from communication. The words you type do not express your mood or your needs, and the other party has difficulty understanding.
- Barriers to verbal communication: with the distance factor, each other in a new social circle. The routine of life including the friends around are different, so the common topics are less and less, and even become a daily greeting.
- The obstacle of lack of trust: very insecure in a long-distance relationship, afraid of the other side of a new love, afraid of the other side of a sudden change of heart, and even a variety of deception and concealment, it is difficult to go to produce real trust.
- Barriers to Emotional Support: Mutual longing in a long-distance relationship is maddening, and time is the worst enemy. When you are in a long-distance relationship for a longer period of time, the more flat the two of you become emotionally, and your hopes for each other may turn into disappointment.
Finding the cause and solving the problem
It is understood that there are many people who believe in long-distance relationships who think that any situation can be overcome, as long as two people truly love each other. In fact, it is really pure bullshit, love can make people strong, but it is also very fragile. There are also many cases of failure around. Tell us two people just love each other is not enough at all. Because love can be destroyed, love can also be diluted. So to better maintain a good long-distance relationship to pay attention to the method, to know how to use the right love to express out. Below I will give you a summary of the five basic principles of living together in a different place, to help you correctly maintain a long-distance relationship.
1、Perfecting each other's love contracts
The reason why marriages are stronger and relationships are more fragile is because marriages are secured by laws, children, parental concerns, and a lot of rules and regulations. A relationship, on the other hand, is between the two of you and can be broken up over a small thing or unilaterally. When a long-distance relationship starts you can both set some rules, for example, you can't see each other often, and you can set up some contracts that you both recognize.
For example: not be able to cold war, not be able to randomly quarrel, no matter how busy must give each other an account, if there is something unexpected must tell each other, regular meeting, video and call. But the rules are dead people are alive, both sides only according to this to comply with, feelings can be more solid.
2、Improve communication effectiveness and empathy
Communication is especially important in a long distance relationship. Do not go too high frequency communication, to have quality to communicate. Getting along with communication to learn to share, including sharing their own ideas, their own lives, their own interesting things, but also can share some of the troubles so that the other party fully understand you, immersed in the feeling that you are on his side to increase the security of each other.
For example, I found a home of a particularly delicious restaurant that I would really like to enjoy with you if you were there.
On the one hand to express your miss him, on the other hand can let the other person feel, you are around him more to create some picturesque feeling.
Special attention should be paid to: two people get along to learn to control their own emotions, do not speak out of turn to hurt each other, say out of words, like splashing out of the water is difficult to take back, it is likely to affect the feelings between you. And problems do not avoid cold war, cold treatment is a chronic killer of feelings.
Sometimes encounter problems you do not communicate, often pile up some bad emotions, all of a sudden outbreak, very also easy to let both sides of the emotion down to the freezing point. Must remember to control their emotions in time, sometimes women will think you this is a kind of tolerance.
3、Progressing and growing together.
To make your life as rich as possible. And two people invited to make progress together. If one of the parties in the relationship falls off the wagon badly, then the wider the gap will be, and it will be easy to affect the relationship.
For example: you are more progressive, the other is more lazy, then a short period of time can not be seen, a long time the two people above the idea of communication will form obstacles, less and less common topics, the realm of thought also has a high and low. Then a person's fundamental beliefs are also different.
So both parties have to have common goals. Supporting each other, trusting each other and making progress together, the relationship between two people will get better and better. How many relationships are separated because a person's fundamental beliefs don't match, then what was the attraction for in the beginning? It's just that one person falls off the wagon too badly in the subsequent time together, and it leads to tragic results.
4、Creating Romantic Expectations
No matter how busy you are at work, long-distance relationship is bound to meet, then you can create a kind of romantic expectation when you meet. For example, if we meet in a month, we can go camping, we can go swimming at the beach, we can go to the top of the mountain to look at the stars. Give the woman more romantic expectations. These expectations are divided into short-term goals and long-term goals, in short, two people together to do something happy and enjoyable. In accomplishing these goals, you go through the joint efforts, two people have each other's experience, but instead the relationship will be better and better. But don't make promises recklessly. If they are not realized, they will be complained by each other.
Long-term goals:You can discuss the marriage and wedding with him, including who should do the chores and who should decorate the house after the birth of the child. For example, after we get married, you will be responsible for naming the child, I will be responsible for the hygiene of the house, and we will plant a beautiful tree in front of the house. I will be responsible for the hygiene of the house, and we will plant a beautiful tree in front of the door. When we are old, we can drink tea under the tree.
5、Stand firm in your beliefs and don't be influenced by others
Don't be so perfunctory when chatting, be warm to each other, the other person can feel it. Other friends will say to you, I and my girlfriend together can kiss and embrace, can do some very happy things, you see you only know to hold a cell phone to fall in love. This time you begin to have a little shaken on your relationship, then have you ever thought of your girlfriend is able to withstand such pain ah?
You must feel that long-distance relationship is very difficult, but why you were together in the first place, you just love each other ah, love is better than everything, then do not have so many conflicts, each other to tolerate it. You have to prove to your friends that you are happy and they are wrong.
Final thoughts
It's really not easy to get along in a long-distance relationship, and it requires trusting communication from both sides. And you also need to be able to endure loneliness. You have to go and learn how to deal with problems. And people who have experienced those difficulties and hardships of long-distance relationship, and finally enter the marriage hall, often will be very happy, because they know that this relationship is hard to come by, because it is difficult, all this is precious. I hope you can harvest a long and stable love, lovers end up in love.
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