Hello, again, this is inya rose's little class.
My friend asked me a question worth looking into the other day. Why is it that having sex with your boyfriend after a fight makes you feel better than usual? The moment I saw this question, the first word that broke into my mind was 'Make-up sex'. There's nothing that one passionate sex session can't solve...
Many people think that this simple and rough method is too wonderful, no matter whether it is their own fault or the other party's fault, in the event of an argument to have a sex problem will not be solved? However if relationship conflicts can really be dissolved by having sex, then where would there be so many exes?
Why do partners especially want to have sex after a fight?
In psychology, sex after an argument has a professional term of "make-up sex", also known as "angry sex". This is very understandable, people in the quarrel will produce a variety of anger, disappointment, sadness, the original way to vent these emotions, is to abuse each other or even rise to physical conflict.
At this time, one party can skillfully use sexual behavior to calm the dispute, will distract each other's attention from the tense atmosphere, or use this way to vent their emotions, can quickly let the other party to restore calm. At this time both have a kind of broken mirror reunion of the sense of joy, can be in this moment deeply feel the other party's passionate response, more enthusiastic than the usual lovemaking, so this time to make love will be very hearty.
For example, in the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", Pitt and Jolie, two people who are really trying to finish each other off one second, rolled together in lust the next. Sex after a fight becomes an outlet for us to release our negative emotions. So, in a sense, an argument is like foreplay in a sexual encounter.
Why does sex feel better after a fight with your partner?
So, the question is, why is sex after a fight better than usual?
1、Strong emotions increase libido
The so-called 'Make-up sex' is actually essentially an 'arousal shift'. When you and your partner are in an intense emotional state with each other after a fight, in this case, the anger can easily be transformed into sexual arousal, and the complexity of the emotions makes you become aroused, excited, and horny ......
This excitement is transformed into sex later, can be greater mobilization of our nervous system and so on, so the sexual experience will become more hearty.
2. Attachment due to fear of losing the other person
When there is a deep emotional foundation for each other, after a fight, we tend to fear the breakdown of the relationship, and this fear motivates our attachment system. In order to not lose each other and to restore intimacy, we are highly motivated to repair the relationship and want to increase our sense of closeness and security with each other. Sex that occurs with this strong motivation is the best way to fill the emptiness and emotions of loss after a fight, so Make-up sex is usually a better experience than regular sex.
This attachment mentality is actually seen in many romantic relationships, to give a simple example. One study found that people become more attached to their partner after being stimulated by an emotional threat, such as when they find out that their partner is closer to another person of the opposite sex (i.e., when they are jealous).
3、Break the previous inherent way of sex
Another reason for having a better time than usual may have something to do with BDSM. Obviously, it's easy for partners to get on top of each other over their emotions during an argument. Having sex in such situations often carries a hint of SM eroticism. Some exciting actions that are not usually tried may also come up at this time, such as slightly rough words, spanking, choking, and so on.
Even in this case, it is easy to 'turn grief and anger into strength' and appear to be working harder than usual.
Is it appropriate to fight over sex?
There's no denying that sometimes couples do get back together after a fight and have sex. On the one hand, sex stimulates the brain to secrete "happy hormones", which makes us feel relaxed and happy after angry sex, enhances psychological stability, and allows us to calm down, rationally communicate with our partner and rebuild intimacy.
On the other hand, the anger, fear and insecurity of the fight and other woes are finally embraced and accepted in sex with care and physical connection. However, it is important to note that the ideal state of "feeling better and more intimate after sex after a fight" is only possible in a healthy intimate relationship.
In the case of a healthy intimate relationship, if two people have angry sex, this sex may provide an opportunity for constructive communication between them, so that they can calm down and relax, rationally and openly express their feelings and thoughts, and ultimately explain the conflict clearly. In this way, angry sex can realize the meaning of reconciliation of the so-called "make-up sex".
On the flip side, there are many potential risks of angry sex in unhealthy intimate relationships. Clinical psychologist Seth Meyers found that couples will inevitably see angry sex as a band-aid for intimacy problems. This can give us the illusion that making out is the answer.
The truth is that sex is not a substitute for communicating and resolving arguments. If you only make out and don't communicate, a lot of problems and emotions are actually put aside or ignored for a while, which will only result in more disappointment and dissatisfaction. Therefore, relationship problems should be communicated and solved, rather than thinking of solving them through simple sex, and there is no need to quarrel in order to be more enjoyable.
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